psyched out

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1.   # rataon 24 Dec 2009 at 1:08 am

   It’s nearly christmas again where does the time go seems the older I get the faster it goes.
   I will be dead soon.
   I finally got up the courage to go up to the old Ngawhatu hospital site.
   The womens side is gone ,just
   remnants of driveways and a few flowers from the gardens.
   I was gutted.
   The two palm trees growing outside what was once Rata Villa are still there, but now there”s a bare house site where Rata was.
   the site looks so small dosn’t seem big enough for the place that was once there.
   I ignored the no tresspassing signs and took a walk up the womens side of the valley past all the other empty sites that had once had villas on them kowhai, ngaio, and others I dont remember past the hairdresser’s right to the top where totara stood it’s funny that they named the worst villa after the mightiest tree,
   I hated that place I hated what it did to me.
   I’ve been trawling the internet trying to find pictures or photos of the place before it was all ripped down.
   I haven’t found any.
   I feel a desperate need to understand what happened to me how could it happen,
   all my teenage years wasted, mouldering away in psyc hospitals first in Ngawhatu where i was taken straight from school at the age of 14 still in my school uniform then at the age of 16 being escorted by 2 nurses to the Adolescent Unit at Sunnyside Hospital in the old grey building.
   I need to get it out of my system because it’s starting to take over and makes it hard for me to breathe.